Made for More… But What?

My number one goal in life is to love God with my whole heart and do what he wants me to do. To go where he goes. Say what he says. Over the years, I’ve confused my will with his, and done what turned out to be what I wanted, but I’m still learning.
For the last few years I’ve thought and prayed about getting a job. We have a lot more bills and debt than we thought we would have and could really use the money. I could go back to serving or working as a cashier somewhere. I’d like to work while my girls are in school, because I like being home for them when they’re home.
But more than all of that, I have this longing in my heart that won’t go away, that I was made for something more. I have no idea what it is, but the feeling plagues me every single day. I could work a 9-5, but I would never in a thousand years be satisfied with that. I don’t understand how people are satisfied with the mundane life. Maybe that’s why I’m so unsatisfied right now.
I see in my heart the big picture, but I don’t know how to get there. I see myself writing books and speaking in front of thousands. I’m not trying to sound arrogant in any way, because I’ve only just started embracing these ideas after much prayer. God has woken me up in the night with confirming words regarding it many times. Before that, I just felt like there was more for my life, but had no idea what that even meant. I never wanted or cared about a platform. And I realize that I could never build one on my own; my last blog post got 2 views. But I wouldn’t want to do it on my own anyway.
All I know is that these thoughts consume me. Every time I entertain the thought that I need to get a job, I think, no, I’m meant for something bigger.
I’m not not working because I’m lazy (I think that’s the proper amount of ‘nots’ for my point). I’m not working because I know I have a purpose, and I’m desperately trying to find out what it is. I’m chasing after Jesus, and this burning in my soul that I can’t explain, but consumes every single part of me.
It makes my heart beat faster and swell with excitement.
A couple years ago, when I was unhappy in my new marriage and felt like we had either made a mistake or rushed into things, the Lord asked me to stay and honour my husband. I said yes. Things haven’t really gotten easier, but I still say yes.
A few weeks ago, I felt the Lord tell me to say yes to the next job offer I get. I still don’t know what that means, if it means an actual job or just different odd jobs I do. Regardless, I’ve said yes to anyone who’s asked me to bake cupcakes for them. I said yes to babysitting my friend’s son for a week. I said yes to being in charge of our church services for 2 weeks while my parents are away. I’ll always do my best to say yes, whatever that looks like.

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